Mission Journal

When I look back on my life, there are two events that I have had an incredibly hard time reminiscing and reflecting on. One of these time periods was the two years I served as a missionary for the LDS church. I remember growing up and hearing that those two years would be the best in my life... That, my friends, was a bold face lie. No offense to the LDS church, or the missionary program, or anybody who was involved in my life at the time but I was simply in a very awkward stage in my life and trying to figure it all out. Trying to figure myself out as a representative for an entire religion was... well... messy. Mainly because I was a mess. Honestly, who isn't a mess to some degree while in their late teens and early twenties? Throw "questioning sexuality", and "depression" into the mix and there was me: A smile on the outside and a rollercoaster on the inside. Suffice to say, I looked back on those times with a surface-deep perspective... the less I thought about the details, the better.

With this in mind, I recently felt it was time to take the time to really remember that period in my life - to work through it and get rid of the negative energy I have associated with it. I dug my mission journal out from my box of personal items and I started reading it like a book. Not only that, but I took time to remember those moments... all of those moments of faith, hope, happiness, discouragement, optimism, and honesty. There were so many happy times; there were also a lot of non-happy times... and it was refreshing to read it all.  Because whether I liked it or not at the time, each one of those moments made me who I am today. So, nearly 10 years after those entries were written, I can finally look back on it with acceptance and realize that, yes, those two years were worth it, and even yes... those two years were great.

It has taken me nearly three months to finish because reliving many of those moments were a little exhausting... but its been completely worth it. Which leads me to my question to you: Have you ever taken time to read your own history? Many people write whether in journals, poetry, or other means, but how often to you ever take the time to sit down and revisit those thoughts? You might be surprised at the wisdom you didn't realize you possessed, but I also think you'll be amazed looking at how those moments made you into who you are.