Going home.

I'm going to be flying back to Chicago tomorrow for an extended weekend in honor of Scott's 25th birthday... I should be asleep considering the day I've had, but I am too excited. I'm almost embarrassed to admit that it feels like being a kid on Christmas Eve with the anticipation of what the next day is going to bring. Scott and I have been talking everyday since I moved back to Utah and while I still feel he knows everything about what's going on in my life than anyone else, I can't wait to be able to spend these few days being face to face with him. We won't need to say much of anything because we don't need to catch up at all - just being together will be enough.

This little vacation back home to Chicago couldn't have come at a more perfect time - work, while such a tremendous blessing to have, is literally wearing me thin. Since I started working with Harmon's, I've been averaging about 55+ (very physical) hours a week. This week would've been even more intense considering I only worked three days and clocked out today with almost 38 hours. There is just always something more that needs to be done... once I think I have things pretty well under control, I find that there are a least a few other things that need taken care of. And because I have the experience to do those things, they tend to fall directly on my shoulders. There, my friends, lies the blessing and curse of going above mediocrity on a daily basis.

And that is the surface.

Underneath the exterior, work has been a incredibly wonderful distraction from being away from Scott and to not get my mind distracted how Sadie is doing. I won't lie, I worry. A lot. My mom somehow instilled that in me and I haven't been able to shake it. So I've found that working as much as I have has not only given me more financial security (which means less stress in one area of my life. Woot.) but forces me to prioritize my time and energy effectively to avoid those lulls in my life where I sit dormant. When I work this much, I tend to take advantage of the time I have free to spend time with my family or to be at the gym or take care of those odds and ends that get left behind.

I think today was the final drop that made the glass overflow - my fatigue caught up with me. It's the type of feeling where you want to go home, spend an evening on the couch watching a movie with your love. And that is exactly what I intend on doing. (Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get a massage or something.)



I realized recently that I tend to be incredibly personal on this blog. If you're reading this, I hope you don't mind that I am. But truth be told, I never write with the intention that anyone will ever read it (except myself when I'm feeling reflective) - so I'm always somewhat taken aback when someone asks me about something I wrote in this blog. I don't know - there's a sense of freedom in expressing words to the world that you never know someone may hear.

Brigitte

I don't mean to continue to mention death in my posts, but this entry deals primarily with my mom and why she is a constant source of strength in my life.

I was talking to my mom today and she was telling me about the day my father had passed away. She mentioned it was near the end of the day and that all of us kids were over at a friends house. My father's body had been just taken away, friends and family were leaving the house and she was left sitting on the front porch. The sun was setting and while she was sitting there, she could hear cars honking and driving by - the sounds of life moving on all around her. She told me tonight that while she was sitting there, she just wanted to scream 'STOP' to the world - just for a minute... because at that minute, her life had stopped. She then told me that that was the moment she knew she was going to make it... and from then on, she took it minute by minute - until she could take it hour by hour, day by day, then month by month.

My mom went on to raise four children, go back to school for nursing, work full-time - and still find time to make sure that we kids never went without. Looking back on my life, I realize that I never doubted how much my mom loved me and cared for me - and from that strength, determination, and love she helped mold me into the person I am today. In honor of my incredible mom, and to all the amazing selfless mothers out there, I wish a very Happy Mother's Day.