Too tired for a title...

This entry will be short - simply because I'm beyond tired, but I wanted to let everyone who reads this know that Scott and I are officially residents of Chicago, IL. The apartment we found is beautiful and perfect for all of our needs... and we will officially be moving in on Friday (Aug. 1). For specific details, you need to go over to Scott's blog. He has such a way with words that I can't help but laugh out loud and be enthralled by his stories, even though I was experiencing them with him at the time. So, for now, check that out - and I will be back later with more details of my own.

Last Night in Salt Lake City

What a rollercoaster these past few weeks have been - so many ups and downs and so incredibly emotional.

I took this past week off because I wanted to focus my energy and time with those who I truly care about. To be completely honest, I am not sure when I'll be back to Salt Lake City... I realize the holidays are coming up, but I am not naive - in the hospitality industry, holidays are like any other day. Plus, seniority is a big thing when it comes to getting time off... So while I'd like to think that I'll see my Utah friends and family in a matter of months, the likelihood of me being able to with being the new guy in town might not be possible. So... that in mind, I spent Monday with my sister Tiffany and her daughters, Tuesday with my oldest sister Heather and her kids, Wednesday was spent with Mom, T (and her girls) and Heather and Taylor (my niece) for Taylor's birthday, and today was spent briefly with Mom in the morning and later with my brother Jason and his family.

I'm not good with goodbyes... people say that, but I really have a hard time. Especially with my Mom and my siblings. We share a very close bond and no matter what conflicts we go through and what disagreements we may have, we are always there for each other 100%. I think that is one thing that hit me when I said goodbye to T yesterday... these past few months have been so emotional with Sadie's condition and then with the situation a little while ago with Scott and I... But through it all, T and I were there for each other. When we said goodbye, we just held each other and cried. It was also very difficult for me because I'm not sure when (or if) I'll see Sadie again - and she was probably thinking 'What the hell is wrong with Uncle Nik?' because I had to fight back sobs when I said goodbye. And saying goodbye to Mom and Jason and his family.... not any easier. Luckily for me, Heather and Kirk are helping us move tomorrow when we come with the moving truck - so at least I can prolong another goodbye. I've filled my quota for the day and I'm emotionally tapped out.

In other goodbyes, I stopped by my dad's grave to pay some respects. It's strange how familiar a cemetary can be, but for as long as I can remember, there was always something so comforting about being there. It still hasn't changed. So I sat down and had a little conversation and let him know what's going on (although I'm pretty sure he had a good idea regardless). While I was there, I felt the distinct thought not to look back (metaphorically speaking) and to look forward to the future... I left feeling even better about this move and feel it will have very positive results. Plus, I also had a good feeling my dad will be helping me out along the way.

One thing that has been very interesting about this move is the surfacing of true friendships. I have been pleasantly surprised and completely appalled by our friends over the last few weeks. Scott and I have been inviting people to dinners and parties to give us (and our friends) some time together before we leave - and there are some who have dropped everything to come and be a part of the short time we have here... then there have been some who have had numerous excuses or... none at all... saying they'll be there and they're not... I, sadly, have come to expect such behavior from my previous friends, so it was no surprise to me to see it happen again with some of them... but some of Scott's closest friends didn't even put an effort and it really upset us. But, tomorrow, life will go on for us and there will be new friends and our close friends that have shown themselves to be unconditional will still be very involved in our lives as we will be in theirs...

I'm really excited. I'm really scared. I'm really tired. But most of all, I can't wait to start from scratch in a new city. I know it's going to be such a great experience for Scott and I.

Oh. P.S. Happy Pioneer Day. We did nothing but pack all night and bitch about everything in Utah being shut down because... well... it was Pioneer Day. Hope you all enjoyed your 'holiday'. ;)

For some reason I can't explain...

Today was not a good day. Let's be honest... I walked into the bakery this morning and worked literally non-stop from 10:00 until 6:45... without lunches or breaks... We were understaffed and one of my employees didn't show up or call... My new baker ruined hundreds of dollars worth of product... Orders were forgotten and we didn't realize it until the person came to pick their order up... Our health inspector visited... It was basically one of those days where if things could go wrong, they did (and to the extreme).

Ironically, I heard from friends that I haven't heard from for a while - One of my best friends from Las Vegas called to tell me she was getting married next year and wanted me to do her wedding cake; One of my other friends called to say HI - I haven't seen her for over a year; I got an e-mail from one of my other friends whom I haven't seen for over a year... It was as though they knew that I needed something - anything - to pick me up a little bit.

With that in mind, I was on my way home from work on I-15 northbound and the traffic stopped. Literally. I was creeping along and I noticed 9000 South was coming up - the exit I would normally take to go to my moms house. I had already called Scott to tell him I'd be late because of the traffic, so I decided to take this traffic as a sign to get off on this exit and visit my mom real quick and then try to take side streets to Scott's work to pick him up. So I did - Interestingly, my sister Tiffany (and her girls) and my brother and his family were there. It turns out that Sadie had an MRI today and the news wasn't good. It seems as though the tumor has grown tremendously over the past few weeks - which has been causing more pressure in her head and giving her double-vision... And it was strange how insignificant my horrible day seemed. In fact, although I wrote details of it just a few minutes ago, they seem so small that I don't even recall everything that even happened - because it doesn't matter.

I don't know what to think (again) and I don't quite know how to respond (again) - but all I know is that my heart feels very heavy and I have a lump in my throat that seems to stay locked in place every time I swallow. I've been so caught up in the move and in my last few weeks at work and finding an apartment and finding a job and getting things packed and trying to get together with friends and family just one last time and canceling memberships and services... that my reality overshadowed a much more significant reality. It's just strange how things seemed so normal for just a little bit and I fell into that comfort for the time being.

The thing I learned from today? I'm grateful for intuition and for coincidence - my own and those around me. It's funny how such a horrible day at work brought so many calls from friends and it's funny how a traffic jam brought my family together for just a little while when we needed each other most.

Keep on burning...

Just wanted to announce that Proud Mary, my Dodge Neon, is officially mine.

That is all.

Closer to 30

As one of my best friends put it - I am officially closer to 30 than I am to 20... It actually feels really good to be 25. Going into my birthday with a very introspective feel made the whole experience so much more meaningful... The day consisted of highlights like Scott buying me a cake turntable (something I desperately need) and a martini shaker (s0mething I completely love), getting a tattoo (more on that later), getting calls and messages from very dear friends and family, and finally ending the evening at Cucina Tuscana with some of my closest friends. The entire day was very relaxed and ideally how I would've wanted it. The following Sunday was just as great - having some brunch with my mom, my brother and his family and my man... some of the greatest people in my life... All in all, it was a great start to my mid-twenties.

Now - about my tattoo. I've been wanting to get one for a while, but as someone who is deeply into symbolism, I needed it to be perfect and really reflect me. One symbol I have always loved is the compass and the square - most people know it as a symbol of the Freemasons. The symbol of the square (or ruler) represents earth - as the four corners of the earth. The compass, which draws a perfect circle, is a representation of heaven... so as the compass and square cross, they symbolize the close relationship between heaven and earth. Another meaning I love is the symbolism of the compass being masculine and the square feminine - so again, by crossing the two, there is balance and equality between masculinity and femininity. It's a very spiritual and balanced symbol in my mind and something that fits my personality and beliefs - so, it is the perfect piece of art for my body. Now you know the story... :)


Another eventful story recently consisted of me trying to rush myself out of the door at work. I was basically frantic in trying to get home in time and amidst the chaos, I left my phone on top of my car. As I was driving, I was going to text Scott and realized that I couldn't find my phone anywhere... and in the midst of the crazy thought "Did I leave my phone on top of my car?", I looked in the rear view mirror to see it slip off and get ran over by the car behind me. I flipped around as quick as I could and managed to pick up the largest two pieces of the 7 or 8 that were strewn about.



Downside? I lost everyones numbers, old text messages (including the first one from Scott that I had held onto for a year and a half) and camera-phone pictures. On the plus side? I lost everyones number and I got a new phone. It's a light blue Chocolate - very cute and very gay. Like me.
I have to admit - it's very liberating to lose everyones number and start from scratch. My contact list went from about 80 to 15. And really... that is fine with me.