Pre-Holiday Catch-up

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not, but I made a Christmas mix today. Scott made a mix last week and we both decided that to make our holiday season the best during the trips to Des Moines (and doing the normal festive things during the coming weeks) we'd need the ultimate mix. So his mix and mine will together make the ABSOLUTE best Christmas mix extravaganza ever. I've been listening to it today and it's gotten me thinking (more than usual). And for once, I actually had time to do nothing but sit, relax and enjoy.

I haven't had much time to do that lately. Work has been incredibly demanding of my time and energy - my boss, the executive pastry chef demands 150% at all times and calls you out, sometimes humiliatingly, if you aren't up to par. I've learned a many lessons over the past few months about what to do and how to do it right.
If any of what I just said sounds negative, I need to be clear and say that it is not. I've learned more in the past few months than I feel I did collectively in school and previous jobs. I only say that because my boss and the people I work with now not only teach me how to do things the best and most efficient way, but tell me why things work or react the way they do to create the desired effect. The knowledge I'm gaining is substantially more rounded and practical. I can only imagine how great it will be a few months down the road when I really have the hang of things and the various things I learned will not be new anymore, but second nature. I'm actually really looking forward to that. And something incredibly exciting is the fact that my 90 days are soon coming up which means that Scott and I will have health insurance and benefits just in time for the winter months. All in all, things are going incredibly well.

With that in mind, however, I have been working anywhere from 50-70+ hour weeks and I am simply exhausted. My days off usually tend to be a large case of catching up on things that absolutely need to get taken care of - bills, loads of laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc. (That whole being an adult thing - I'm not quite sure it's all that it's cracked up to be... but I guess I don't have much of a choice at this point. ) My work days usually end fairly late. Scott, who has an equally (sometimes more) demanding day with school and work, gets home around the same time. He and I throw dinner together and spend a couple hours together before it's time for bed.

Scott has been faced with a good deal of drama at school recently, but many of the major kinks have been resolved and things seem to be working out well now. He still works part-time at the Gap on Michigan Ave (with hopes of leaving soon) and also works for St. Matthews Church in Evanston as their section leader in the choir. I actually recently joined the choir, partly to be able to be a part of the choir during the holidays and partly to be able to spend more time with Scott. It's been going pretty well so far - I definitely feel out of my element but as long as I'm not asked to do more than the blending in I am currently doing, I think things will work out great. I love being able to sing though - I may not be the greatest by any means, but there have been some beautiful pieces we've already sung and it's just such a great way to... well, I can't think of a better word right now than feel. It's emotional and wonderful and I enjoy being able to do it on a weekly basis.

Family is doing well - as to be expected, life has (somewhat) gotten back to normal and life is hectic for all of us again. I don't talk to my siblings as often as I'd like though I usually get all the good stories from my mom, whom I talk with every week. I miss them a lot. I find myself reflecting on being with them over this summer frequently and I find that I think of Sadie repeatedly throughout the day. I'm still incredibly emotional about everything - especially with the holidays coming up. I'm getting a little bit of anxiety over the thought of spending Christmas away with things so different - to the point, I'm not really looking forward to the holidays. I love the music, I love the feelings that the holidays surface in everyone, I love the idea of being with Scott and being a part of his family during Thanksgiving and Christmas - but when I think of Christmas for me personally, I get a huge pit in my stomach. It's hard for me to think of my niece not being there, to have other family members who passed away this year not being around, to know that if I were home for the holidays that Scott wouldn't be there, to think how completely welcoming Scott's family is to me and know that, despite how incredibly close I am to my family, Scott will never get the same amount of love and support I've gotten from his family. My heart simply aches - moreso lately as the time gets closer to the holidays. So in the meantime, I get lost in work - learning all I can and developing myself more professionally - and take things a day at a time.

Well friends, I need to wrap this up - I have an early day tomorrow. I'll try to do better at this blog thing... who am I kidding? I always say that. Until next time.