Back home.

It's been nearly a week since I moved back to Chicago. I'm a little surprised how easily it was for me to be adjusted to living back in Chicago and getting accustomed to life here. It feels natural to wake up next to Scott, to have a whiny cat meowing at me for no reason, to walk to the train station to head downtown, to run along the trails near Lake Shore Boulevard and to bake random things in my kitchen. This truly feels like home. That being said, I find myself missing aspects of Utah - mainly things I did frequently, like random visits at family members houses, spending quality time with family and friends - but since I took advantage of those things while I was in Utah, I don't feel I missed out in any way. I have nothing but great memories to look back on - bittersweet in many aspects, but definitely great.

In regard to work, I had to take a drug test on Wednesday (I passed), had orientation on Friday, then started work on Saturday. I feel like it will take some getting used to - but that is the case with any job. I know how to do many of the tasks required of me, but knowing how it's supposed to be done specifically at the Marriott is the tricky thing. I'm sure I'll get the hang of things soon and am really excited to get to that point where I can work an entire day without asking what is expected of me or if there is something else I should be doing. Luckily, the crew I work with is incredibly helpful and so easy to get along with. I can tell there is a strong sense of trust and unity among them, which makes it all the more exciting to be involved in that type of environment. Overall though, I love it already. I imagine things will continue to get better as the days progress.

All in all, being back in Chicago is going very well. It is hard to be away from family and close friends, but knowing that I have their support - and given the fact that we all have phones, texting, e-mailing, etc. makes the distance seem, well... not so distant. I do find, however, that at random moments I miss Sadie terribly. Today Scott was playing Mika while he was making dinner and the song Any Other World came on. Unknown to nearly anyone, I played that song repeatedly before and after Sadie's passing - and haven't played it since. Hearing it today brought back the raw emotion and I wasn't ready for it. I feel bad in some aspect because Scott knew something was wrong, but I couldn't really express how it felt then and how it feels now. I feel like I'm walking around with a large wound that is healing incredibly slow and from time to time something hits me that makes me start to bleed again. And I find there's nothing I can do but let it bleed until it stops - and then I'll continue on.

With that in mind, and given the experience I had while in Utah, I really want to become actively involved with helping organizations associated with childhood cancers - I still need to do research to what type of organizations are out here in Chicago. When I look back on all the support, love and selflessness from the community during Sadie's battle, it makes me want to help in any way I can for other families facing similar situations.

All in all, I have very high expectations of myself here in Chicago - just because I was able to obtain my dream job doesn't mean the dreaming and reaching for goals will ever stop. I expect some great things to happen...