A life lesson

The desire to express my emotion through writing comes at the strangest moments - when I'm driving to work, while I'm running - usually never when I'm sitting in my room with nothing pressing to take care of. As luck would have it, I am in my room tonight with nothing pressing to take care of and I felt the need to write. I am jumping at the chance.

My last entry was a couple of weeks ago in anticipation for my visit back to Chicago to see Scott for his birthday. It was an amazing trip - it was so great to be with Scott, simply being together doing the everyday things we would normally do. I had a tremendously hard time coming back - in the last few hours we were together (and hours preceding), tears fell consistently and I wondered what might happen if I 'accidentally' missed my plane.

Well, the weeks since that trip have been short, but the tears have continued to fall for different reasons. If you are reading my blog, I can almost certainly wager you have been visiting my sisters blog as well. It is heartbreaking to read her words and to know what she and that beautiful family are going through. I tend to read her entries and feel like this experience is a gut-wrenching story that has no connection to me whatsoever. Like it's simply one of those Lifetime stories you allow yourself to cry with while you watch it and then the T.V. turns off afterward and you move on. But the truth of the matter is that this is my niece who is dying and this is my sister who is facing a situation no parent should ever have to face.

I've been trying to go over there when I can to at least help out with Olivia and Sam so that T and Zac can focus more attention on Sadie and her needs. The one thing I can say about ours and Zacs family that I truly admire is that no matter how much Sadie's condition regresses, our family adapts to those changes and works through them - still knowing that Sadie is just as intelligent and gifted as always. The same goes for Sadie - no matter what physical challenges she faces, she still smiles and laughs and meets those challenges head on. It is inspiring.

Recently, I've been talking to my friend Caitlin what I've been feeling and I told her how work, while draining me physically, has been a perfect distraction from the situation my family is facing and me being away from Scott. She replied by telling me Harmon's is a big building called Denial. I laughed - but agreed. Since then however, I've noticed a parallel between the lives of those around me lately at work. Here are a few examples of situations that my co-workers have faced recently:
Surgery to remove prostate cancer; the death of a father to Alzheimers Disease; the death of a boyfriend, whom my co-worker had been dating for over a year; the death of a brother-in-law to colon cancer. And while all of these situations are completely horrible, they have all learned from these situations and have shared their wisdom to me - whether they realize it or not. Mainly, to truly live life while you have it; to take time to own your emotions, no matter what it is; to love those you care about unconditionally while you have them in your lives; and to remember the achievements of ones life, not focus on their death. I know that just looking at these people on the surface, you'd never have imagined these challenges they've faced - But they are making it through. And as much as I can't comprehend what the next few weeks may hold, I hope I'm able to follow the examples of those people during this difficult time.