Resolutions/Thanksgiving

As many of you know, my birthday this past year was an emotional one. I had moved back to Utah for a few months to be with my family while my niece fought a incredibly brave battle with cancer - she passed away the day before my 26th birthday. I don't remember much about my birthday except that I was numb and didn't really do much of anything - at least that's what I thought. Today I came across a list of my new year's resolutions - See, I decided (with the wise advice from a close friend) that resolutions should start on your birthday and be your goals and plans for your new year. I don't remember making a list, but I did - and it goes as follows:

• Commit time to getting in touch with myself spiritually
• Learn more about Jesus Christ - hopefully develop faith in Him
• Learn major chords on the guitar
• Commit myself to writing more poetry
• Find a stable career in Chicago that I love, has great benefits for Scott and myself.
• Get a new tattoo (in remembrance of Sadie)
• Read a new book every month
• Learn to love exercising (especially building muscle - not just doing cardio all the time)

I post it here now simply because a new year is coming up and since we as a people tend to draw our attention to resolutions and trying to make ourselves better, it felt somewhat appropriate. There are a few things on my list that I haven't even touched - learning to love exercising, learning major chords on the guitar, and getting a tattoo to name a few. But there are some that have already happened or are in the process of happening. The way things worked out with Marriott has given me a very stable career here in Chicago that I love completely and as of last week, Scott and I have insurance and benefits. By taking the train to work, I have a good 45 minutes each way with nothing much to do - except read. As a result, I've been able to read a new book every couple weeks.
And regarding spirituality, I'm sure it goes without saying that it is something that is definitely not a destination, but a journey - and I'm in the process. I've mentioned this in previous blogs, but because of Sadie, I have started a very serious journey of faith centered around Jesus Christ. I've been spending quite a bit of time reading, praying, relying on my feelings and intuition about what feels right - and as a result I do have faith in Jesus Christ. It may be small at this point, but it is there - and I'm curious to see where this road takes me in the future.
So while my new years resolution may have been written and forgotten about for a while, it's been interesting to look at it now and assess what I've been able to do and what now needs to be taken care of to make my life a little bit better. (And I partly posted it on here to make it more concrete in my mind that those things need to get taken care of.)

In other news, Thanksgiving was great. Scott and were able to take a few days off and head up to Des Moines to spend time with his family - and what a family they are. I've been told by nearly each one of them on separate occasions that I am part of the family. They make me feel completely welcome and I never feel like Scott and I being in a relationship is ever an issue. In fact, the reason I find it so amazing to be around them is that it's not an issue at all. I don't know if that makes sense at all, but it is what it is. We were able to relax, go shopping some, eat a lot, and put up some Christmas decorations. (And it was nice for me to have 3 days off in a row after the schedule I've had recently) We spent the majority of the time at his mom's house and spent the last afternoon at his dad's house, leaving back to Chicago soon after. It was great to spend some time with them and it'll be nice to head back here in a few weeks for Christmas.

And speaking of Christmas, Scott and I have officially decorated for the holidays. It took some rearranging and a good chunk of time, but we have our tree up and all the holiday decorations out. Here is a little picture of what it all looks like:


Today was filled with decorating, listening to classic Christmas music (which has to include the Carpenters, in my opinion) and spending some much needed quality time with Scott. All in all, a wonderful day off.

I also wanted to post a picture or two of the gingerbread castle that almost killed me.
This picture doesn't do much justice - it has over 1000 pounds of gingerbread on it. It's probably about 12 feet wide and roughly 9 feet high, all the windows are sugar (poured by hand), a train runs through the entire thing, and on the left side there is a giant teapot that pours chocolate into a big teacup. It took about 12 of us and 6 weeks to finish the entire thing (and do all of our regular responsibilities on top of it). Good times had by all.

Anyway, hope your holidays are off to a great start. I'll be in touch again soon.

Closer to 30

As one of my best friends put it - I am officially closer to 30 than I am to 20... It actually feels really good to be 25. Going into my birthday with a very introspective feel made the whole experience so much more meaningful... The day consisted of highlights like Scott buying me a cake turntable (something I desperately need) and a martini shaker (s0mething I completely love), getting a tattoo (more on that later), getting calls and messages from very dear friends and family, and finally ending the evening at Cucina Tuscana with some of my closest friends. The entire day was very relaxed and ideally how I would've wanted it. The following Sunday was just as great - having some brunch with my mom, my brother and his family and my man... some of the greatest people in my life... All in all, it was a great start to my mid-twenties.

Now - about my tattoo. I've been wanting to get one for a while, but as someone who is deeply into symbolism, I needed it to be perfect and really reflect me. One symbol I have always loved is the compass and the square - most people know it as a symbol of the Freemasons. The symbol of the square (or ruler) represents earth - as the four corners of the earth. The compass, which draws a perfect circle, is a representation of heaven... so as the compass and square cross, they symbolize the close relationship between heaven and earth. Another meaning I love is the symbolism of the compass being masculine and the square feminine - so again, by crossing the two, there is balance and equality between masculinity and femininity. It's a very spiritual and balanced symbol in my mind and something that fits my personality and beliefs - so, it is the perfect piece of art for my body. Now you know the story... :)


Another eventful story recently consisted of me trying to rush myself out of the door at work. I was basically frantic in trying to get home in time and amidst the chaos, I left my phone on top of my car. As I was driving, I was going to text Scott and realized that I couldn't find my phone anywhere... and in the midst of the crazy thought "Did I leave my phone on top of my car?", I looked in the rear view mirror to see it slip off and get ran over by the car behind me. I flipped around as quick as I could and managed to pick up the largest two pieces of the 7 or 8 that were strewn about.



Downside? I lost everyones numbers, old text messages (including the first one from Scott that I had held onto for a year and a half) and camera-phone pictures. On the plus side? I lost everyones number and I got a new phone. It's a light blue Chocolate - very cute and very gay. Like me.
I have to admit - it's very liberating to lose everyones number and start from scratch. My contact list went from about 80 to 15. And really... that is fine with me.

25

It will be my 25th birthday in ten minutes. I guess there’s something that is anticipating this day more than any of my previous birthdays - I’ve let go of expectations of people recognizing that it is my birthday and I don’t really want or need anything. So what I’m left with is my thoughts and my personal opinion that I should celebrate my own life by reflection of where I’ve been and contemplating on my expectations for the future. I think 25 is a very good age for that… For someone who is a quarter-century old, I think I’m at a good spot to know, at the very least, who I’m not - and as a result, I can more clearly define who I am and what I expect out of life.

It’s 12:00 - Happy Birthday me.

I believe that everyone has a brilliant biography that contains thousands of stories and lessons learned and no one will ever hear it. My story is no exception - there are people in my life who know many aspects of who I am and where I’ve been… But no one who knows everything except me. And my story is brilliant and beautiful. Tragic and compelling. Filled with compassion and sincere love. But I can honestly say that I’ve spent more time over these past 25 years looking back than I have been looking forward. I’ve always seemed to reflect on the past and dwell there - learning as much as I could about why it happened and what was the lesson to be learned. And I think that is a great thing, to a point.

So I am planning for this next year (and for the twenty-five years after) to continue to learn lifes little lessons, but to spend more time looking forward than looking back.


So - here's a toast to being 25 and a work in progress...