phoenix

I've been slowly getting things together for the move in a few days - trying to know what exactly I need to bring for however long I might be gone. I'm beginning to realize that beside clothes and a few items, I really don't need much. (Of course, I say that now and I'll probably end up with a Dodge Neon full of random things.)
At any rate, I was thinking how incredibly difficult it was for me emotionally to leave Utah and move to Chicago. My family was at a point where we weren't sure what was happening with Sadie and the idea of planning a move across the country during this time seemed incomprehensible. I feared throughout the months prior to the move that something might happen to Sadie while Scott and I were driving to Chicago or that something may happen in the first few weeks I was there. Gratefully, that didn't happen and it was around that time when Sadie was able to do many wonderful things.
The interesting thing I've noticed since moving out here to Chicago is the connection I've felt to my family. I like to think I took advantage of most opportunities to be with my family while I was living in Utah, but there has been an increased spiritual connection while I've been away. (I really can't explain it - perhaps other people who have lived away from home know what I'm talking about.) Also, people who really know me know that I rely heavily on spiritual feelings and impressions anyway, but that has been dramatically increased while being here in Chicago. One thing I've noticed is that I've been having dreams more frequently - very poignant and vivid - to the point that I've been recording them and trying to understand them more fully. There is one in particular that is so close to my heart that I can't usually think long about without getting emotional and I woke up this morning with the feeling to share it. With the idea of Sadie and of time being so precious for my family, I felt it appropriate:

"Jan. 27, 2009-
As the dream began, I remember a small boy with a large bunch of beautiful red balloons. The dream progressed with some random storyline that I can’t quite recall - but every now and then there would be that boy with the balloons. It seemed though that every time I saw him throughout the dream, there were less balloons. At the end of the dream, I was at a stadium of some sort and noticed that the boy was there and only had 3 balloons left. For some reason, he accidentally let go of the remaining balloons and they started to glide through the air. They weren’t just floating up. There was a huge crowd of people at the stadium and it seemed that everyone was just struck by this scene of these beautiful balloons just gliding a few feet above the crowd. One by one, the balloons popped by a few people trying to get rid of them and only one was left. I remember being so outraged that out of all those balloons only one could be left and I was shouting at people trying to make them stop and to just let the balloon do it’s thing. It was so beautiful as it just glided and it seemed that most all of us were just hypnotized by it. The final balloon ended up popping, but as the remnants of the balloon slowly fell down, it slowly changed into a bird - one I recognized in my dream as a phoenix. I don’t think words could describe how breath-taking it was - it looked young and full of life. And instead of the typical idea of what the mythological bird looks like, this bird was similar to pale pink in color, but so vibrant and amazing to look at. As odd as it sounds, it’s a color I know I’ve never seen awake but recognized it instantly when I saw it. Another detail was its eyes - they seemed very defined and confident, yet peaceful. It landed near the crowd and just stood there majestically. As we all stood there, speechless and in awe, another phoenix landed next to the first. At this time, I became a overcome by emotion in the dream and I started to sob uncontrollably because the sight of all this was so beautiful. As I was crying in my dream, I realized that I was dreaming - and as I was waking up, I still couldn’t hold in the emotion and I woke up sobbing."

I know in my heart the meaning behind this dream, but feel the description of it will wait for now. But since this may be the last post I make before I head back to Utah, I ask for your prayers for Sadie and for the Huish family during this time. (And maybe if you have a moment, some prayers for my poor Dodge Neon to make the trip back to Utah.) :)

Closer to 30

As one of my best friends put it - I am officially closer to 30 than I am to 20... It actually feels really good to be 25. Going into my birthday with a very introspective feel made the whole experience so much more meaningful... The day consisted of highlights like Scott buying me a cake turntable (something I desperately need) and a martini shaker (s0mething I completely love), getting a tattoo (more on that later), getting calls and messages from very dear friends and family, and finally ending the evening at Cucina Tuscana with some of my closest friends. The entire day was very relaxed and ideally how I would've wanted it. The following Sunday was just as great - having some brunch with my mom, my brother and his family and my man... some of the greatest people in my life... All in all, it was a great start to my mid-twenties.

Now - about my tattoo. I've been wanting to get one for a while, but as someone who is deeply into symbolism, I needed it to be perfect and really reflect me. One symbol I have always loved is the compass and the square - most people know it as a symbol of the Freemasons. The symbol of the square (or ruler) represents earth - as the four corners of the earth. The compass, which draws a perfect circle, is a representation of heaven... so as the compass and square cross, they symbolize the close relationship between heaven and earth. Another meaning I love is the symbolism of the compass being masculine and the square feminine - so again, by crossing the two, there is balance and equality between masculinity and femininity. It's a very spiritual and balanced symbol in my mind and something that fits my personality and beliefs - so, it is the perfect piece of art for my body. Now you know the story... :)


Another eventful story recently consisted of me trying to rush myself out of the door at work. I was basically frantic in trying to get home in time and amidst the chaos, I left my phone on top of my car. As I was driving, I was going to text Scott and realized that I couldn't find my phone anywhere... and in the midst of the crazy thought "Did I leave my phone on top of my car?", I looked in the rear view mirror to see it slip off and get ran over by the car behind me. I flipped around as quick as I could and managed to pick up the largest two pieces of the 7 or 8 that were strewn about.



Downside? I lost everyones numbers, old text messages (including the first one from Scott that I had held onto for a year and a half) and camera-phone pictures. On the plus side? I lost everyones number and I got a new phone. It's a light blue Chocolate - very cute and very gay. Like me.
I have to admit - it's very liberating to lose everyones number and start from scratch. My contact list went from about 80 to 15. And really... that is fine with me.

Balance

I just painted a picture. It was my intent to paint something with balance - I'm a firm believer that life should be balanced but it's interesting how the finished result reflects what I must really be feeling inside. I chose two colors - red and blue. I chose red to symbolize the deep, emotional feelings in my life and blue to show the positive aspect of life. I started out with paintbrushes, but quickly realized that it wasn't working well - so I chose to fingerpaint. It sounds very elementary, but it was a unique experience to feel the paint in your fingertips and to slowly feel my way over a blank canvas. It became very apparent in a matter of minutes that the red area had pushed its way to about 2/3 of the canvas. The blue area faded its way onto the canvas as well - after about an hour and a half of feeling my way through, I was finished. This is the result: