Sunday Night Vent

It's Sunday night in Chicago - I can hear the neighbors through the wall laughing at their television, there is the sound of sirens in the distant and someone just took out their trash singing an unfamiliar tune to themselves... Perfect night for a blog.

There are a few things on my mind tonight. One of which is the fact that I found out earlier that I got the position at Zed451 as a pastry cook. While I was ecstatic to get the news, I was just as quickly crushed to know the pay for the position is substantially less than I expected (and need). Since this is the first position I've been offered after more than two weeks of being here, I took it with open arms - because let's be honest, something coming in is better than nothing coming in. But I've been kind of upset at the job scene in Chicago... Initially, I assumed there would be plenty of opportunity and that I'd come here and be swooped up by the fabulousness of the Chicago scene and fall into a great position and begin my career right away. But the reality of it is that I've been applying for jobs for months and since I've been here have been applying for just about everything that I am qualified for - with bare results. The job opportunities are there, but I'm just not getting them. It's frustrating.
And there are two things I would love more than anything. To start my career - not just have a job - and to be able to support Scott while he's in school. The later is due to the idea that he is in his graduate program and the last thing he needs to worry about is making ends meet with money - I would love to be able to have him work because he needs an outlet from school and home or because he wants a discount to a great store or something like that - not because he has to, to pay for bills or groceries. I really thought that I'd come to Chicago and those two things I want would just happen. But what I've been faced with is a lot of waiting and getting to know my apartment very well. Granted, it had been nice to simply be home with Scott and make 3 meals a day in our amazing kitchen - I just thought I'd already be involved in the beginning my career here and making my dreams reality. Maybe I just need to give it more time...

In other ideas that have been swimming around my mind, is the idea of my 'odd shelf'. One of Scott's best friends (and a very dear friend to me as well) Peter wrote a post a while back about an odd shelf - a collection of books in your personal library that don't just mesh with the other literary books on the shelf. But more further, it's your hidden interest that no one else really knows about you. After I read his blog a few months ago, the idea stuck with me and it wasn't until recently that I realized that my odd shelf is primarily centered around religious/spiritual/metaphysical studies. The other day, for instance, I got very involved online researching the missing years of Jesus Christ before his ministry account in the New Testament. There are accounts that say he traveled through India and Asia and studied with the great masters/teachers of those times before he started his ministry. I love researching things like that - so since I've come to refine (and reveal to you) what exactly my hidden interest is, I'm extending the idea along to you all to look at your life (and your bookshelf) to see what exactly is on your odd shelf and share it with someone.

I also wanted to share a link to Scott's blog for you all to check out our apartment in Chicago - odds are you have already seen it because most of you who read my blog, read his as well... but for the sake of reposting something he has already done so well, follow the link here.

Until next time...

Chicago

I'm back! (Well, not back as much as I'm here...) Odds are you've read Scott's blogs - but this is my (condensed) version of what has happened since Salt Lake City.

Scott and I woke up on July 25, finished packing odds and ends, then picked up the Penske truck (Wow. I can't believe it's been more than two weeks.) We had some help from one of his best friends Lisa and my sister's husband Kirk - and despite the fact there were only 4 of us, we were able to get everything packed in the truck in a little under 2 hours. One of my best friends Caitie came to see us off while she was on her lunch break - so there were some emotional good-byes and then Scott and I were set to go.

I drove the truck first - simply for the fact that I don't mind winding canyon roads and Scott gets a little freaked out... and it turned out to be quite a bit better than I expected. There wasn't a governor on the truck, so we were able to maintain a steady speed of 70-75. Scott had boughten a MP3 transmitter for the radio, so I was able to listen to all my music the entire time so time seemed to pass a lot quicker.

We only stopped a few times to rest and were able to make it to Scott's mom's in Des Moines by 1:00 the next day - Tired as hell, but excited to be there. The cats were less than thrilled to be out of the car. They were terrified when we first began in Salt Lake, but by the end of our trip, they had ventured out to walking outside of their kennel to check out their small surroundings in the car. But being at Collette's house was another story since she has a cat and ceiling fans - both of which we just found out, our cats are completely terrified of.

So we parked our Penske truck in her drive way and tried to relax over the next day and a half. Our plan from there was to road trip down to Chicago and get a hotel and spend Monday and Tuesday diligently looking for apartments. Luckily our roommate-to-be, Jessie Lyons, lives in West Des Moines near Scott's mom, so we were able to pick her up and have her involved in the whole process.

After a good 5 hour drive we arrived in Chicago - now... I'll spare dramatic details, especially because Scott has posted not one, but two blogs about this entire ordeal - but suffice to say, after two days and much drama, we were able to get a beautiful apartment in northern Chicago. (For the entire story, visit these links: Part One http://eveningchats.blogspot.com/2008/07/queens-queers-and-quandaries.html , Part Two: http://eveningchats.blogspot.com/2008/08/queens-queers-and-quandaries-part-deux.html - good stuff indeed)

We drove back up to Des Moines on Tuesday evening and we excited that we had that step taken care of. We were able to relax a lot more as a result and spent most of that time before we finalized the move to Chicago to catch up on sleep.

Scott and I started the final stage of the move on Friday, August 1 at 5:00 a.m. - after another lovely 5 hour drive, we arrived at our new place, got our keys to the apartment and loaded everything in the apartment. I was actually pretty impressed with us - it was only the two of us unloading the truck and we live on the second floor of the apartment building, so we had to climb up a flight of stairs each time... but we were able to get it done in about an hour and a half. Again, we were tired as hell, but since we needed to return the truck to Penske by a certain time, we choked back our tears and set out to get rid of the rental truck.

Now, I'm not sure if Scott blogged about this little experience, but we had nothing but great experiences with Penske right up until this point. But the address to the drop off location we were given, we soon realized, was directly across the street from Wrigley Stadium. And as luck would have it, the Cubs were playing a game that day. So hordes of fans and traffic added to the stress of driving a massive truck down narrow Chicago streets and after 3 failed attempts to make it into the parking lot of the Penske location, Scott called their company and asked for directions. It turns out the drop off location was somewhere else - they gave us the address and shady directions and we did our best to find it . I was driving the truck and actually found the location first - which was a large empty parking lot of a factory at the end of a narrow side street. There was no one there to give the keys to - in fact, no one was around at all - and if there hadn't been two other trucks there, I would've sworn it was a set up of some sort. The entire experience of simply dropping off the truck took about 2 hours - Needless to say, Scott and I were a little upset, but more so tired - so we went back home and unpacked briefly and took naps.

Scott's sister, Stacey, along with her husband, Isaac, and their little girl Eponine came down late Friday night to help us over the weekend to unpack our things and get everything set up. It was so great to have them here for those first few days... We were able to get quite a bit done and unpacked in those first few days as a result.

The big task at hand now is finding a job. Scott has a pretty promising situation with Gap on Michigan Ave. downtown, but as for me, I'm still waiting to hear back from positions I've applied to. There seems to be quite a bit of opportunity for me here - I'm just waiting now for it all to happen and fall into place...

It also didn't help that Scott and I didn't get the internet until this past Friday... so we had literally no connection to the outside world at all... But we're back.

All in all, Chicago has been beautiful - aside from a freak storm last week (The lightning was so intense that Scott and I were sure there was a strobe light outside) And we were able to meet new people last night at Chicago's Market Days on Halsted - which was, as Scott put it, a Pride festival, a gay bar and a county fair rolled into one. But I feel really good about being here... I feel that things are going to work out amazing for us both. Wish us luck!

P.S. As soon as I get the apartment straightened up, I'll be snapping some pictures and showing you all our new place...

Too tired for a title...

This entry will be short - simply because I'm beyond tired, but I wanted to let everyone who reads this know that Scott and I are officially residents of Chicago, IL. The apartment we found is beautiful and perfect for all of our needs... and we will officially be moving in on Friday (Aug. 1). For specific details, you need to go over to Scott's blog. He has such a way with words that I can't help but laugh out loud and be enthralled by his stories, even though I was experiencing them with him at the time. So, for now, check that out - and I will be back later with more details of my own.

Last Night in Salt Lake City

What a rollercoaster these past few weeks have been - so many ups and downs and so incredibly emotional.

I took this past week off because I wanted to focus my energy and time with those who I truly care about. To be completely honest, I am not sure when I'll be back to Salt Lake City... I realize the holidays are coming up, but I am not naive - in the hospitality industry, holidays are like any other day. Plus, seniority is a big thing when it comes to getting time off... So while I'd like to think that I'll see my Utah friends and family in a matter of months, the likelihood of me being able to with being the new guy in town might not be possible. So... that in mind, I spent Monday with my sister Tiffany and her daughters, Tuesday with my oldest sister Heather and her kids, Wednesday was spent with Mom, T (and her girls) and Heather and Taylor (my niece) for Taylor's birthday, and today was spent briefly with Mom in the morning and later with my brother Jason and his family.

I'm not good with goodbyes... people say that, but I really have a hard time. Especially with my Mom and my siblings. We share a very close bond and no matter what conflicts we go through and what disagreements we may have, we are always there for each other 100%. I think that is one thing that hit me when I said goodbye to T yesterday... these past few months have been so emotional with Sadie's condition and then with the situation a little while ago with Scott and I... But through it all, T and I were there for each other. When we said goodbye, we just held each other and cried. It was also very difficult for me because I'm not sure when (or if) I'll see Sadie again - and she was probably thinking 'What the hell is wrong with Uncle Nik?' because I had to fight back sobs when I said goodbye. And saying goodbye to Mom and Jason and his family.... not any easier. Luckily for me, Heather and Kirk are helping us move tomorrow when we come with the moving truck - so at least I can prolong another goodbye. I've filled my quota for the day and I'm emotionally tapped out.

In other goodbyes, I stopped by my dad's grave to pay some respects. It's strange how familiar a cemetary can be, but for as long as I can remember, there was always something so comforting about being there. It still hasn't changed. So I sat down and had a little conversation and let him know what's going on (although I'm pretty sure he had a good idea regardless). While I was there, I felt the distinct thought not to look back (metaphorically speaking) and to look forward to the future... I left feeling even better about this move and feel it will have very positive results. Plus, I also had a good feeling my dad will be helping me out along the way.

One thing that has been very interesting about this move is the surfacing of true friendships. I have been pleasantly surprised and completely appalled by our friends over the last few weeks. Scott and I have been inviting people to dinners and parties to give us (and our friends) some time together before we leave - and there are some who have dropped everything to come and be a part of the short time we have here... then there have been some who have had numerous excuses or... none at all... saying they'll be there and they're not... I, sadly, have come to expect such behavior from my previous friends, so it was no surprise to me to see it happen again with some of them... but some of Scott's closest friends didn't even put an effort and it really upset us. But, tomorrow, life will go on for us and there will be new friends and our close friends that have shown themselves to be unconditional will still be very involved in our lives as we will be in theirs...

I'm really excited. I'm really scared. I'm really tired. But most of all, I can't wait to start from scratch in a new city. I know it's going to be such a great experience for Scott and I.

Oh. P.S. Happy Pioneer Day. We did nothing but pack all night and bitch about everything in Utah being shut down because... well... it was Pioneer Day. Hope you all enjoyed your 'holiday'. ;)

For some reason I can't explain...

Today was not a good day. Let's be honest... I walked into the bakery this morning and worked literally non-stop from 10:00 until 6:45... without lunches or breaks... We were understaffed and one of my employees didn't show up or call... My new baker ruined hundreds of dollars worth of product... Orders were forgotten and we didn't realize it until the person came to pick their order up... Our health inspector visited... It was basically one of those days where if things could go wrong, they did (and to the extreme).

Ironically, I heard from friends that I haven't heard from for a while - One of my best friends from Las Vegas called to tell me she was getting married next year and wanted me to do her wedding cake; One of my other friends called to say HI - I haven't seen her for over a year; I got an e-mail from one of my other friends whom I haven't seen for over a year... It was as though they knew that I needed something - anything - to pick me up a little bit.

With that in mind, I was on my way home from work on I-15 northbound and the traffic stopped. Literally. I was creeping along and I noticed 9000 South was coming up - the exit I would normally take to go to my moms house. I had already called Scott to tell him I'd be late because of the traffic, so I decided to take this traffic as a sign to get off on this exit and visit my mom real quick and then try to take side streets to Scott's work to pick him up. So I did - Interestingly, my sister Tiffany (and her girls) and my brother and his family were there. It turns out that Sadie had an MRI today and the news wasn't good. It seems as though the tumor has grown tremendously over the past few weeks - which has been causing more pressure in her head and giving her double-vision... And it was strange how insignificant my horrible day seemed. In fact, although I wrote details of it just a few minutes ago, they seem so small that I don't even recall everything that even happened - because it doesn't matter.

I don't know what to think (again) and I don't quite know how to respond (again) - but all I know is that my heart feels very heavy and I have a lump in my throat that seems to stay locked in place every time I swallow. I've been so caught up in the move and in my last few weeks at work and finding an apartment and finding a job and getting things packed and trying to get together with friends and family just one last time and canceling memberships and services... that my reality overshadowed a much more significant reality. It's just strange how things seemed so normal for just a little bit and I fell into that comfort for the time being.

The thing I learned from today? I'm grateful for intuition and for coincidence - my own and those around me. It's funny how such a horrible day at work brought so many calls from friends and it's funny how a traffic jam brought my family together for just a little while when we needed each other most.

Keep on burning...

Just wanted to announce that Proud Mary, my Dodge Neon, is officially mine.

That is all.

Closer to 30

As one of my best friends put it - I am officially closer to 30 than I am to 20... It actually feels really good to be 25. Going into my birthday with a very introspective feel made the whole experience so much more meaningful... The day consisted of highlights like Scott buying me a cake turntable (something I desperately need) and a martini shaker (s0mething I completely love), getting a tattoo (more on that later), getting calls and messages from very dear friends and family, and finally ending the evening at Cucina Tuscana with some of my closest friends. The entire day was very relaxed and ideally how I would've wanted it. The following Sunday was just as great - having some brunch with my mom, my brother and his family and my man... some of the greatest people in my life... All in all, it was a great start to my mid-twenties.

Now - about my tattoo. I've been wanting to get one for a while, but as someone who is deeply into symbolism, I needed it to be perfect and really reflect me. One symbol I have always loved is the compass and the square - most people know it as a symbol of the Freemasons. The symbol of the square (or ruler) represents earth - as the four corners of the earth. The compass, which draws a perfect circle, is a representation of heaven... so as the compass and square cross, they symbolize the close relationship between heaven and earth. Another meaning I love is the symbolism of the compass being masculine and the square feminine - so again, by crossing the two, there is balance and equality between masculinity and femininity. It's a very spiritual and balanced symbol in my mind and something that fits my personality and beliefs - so, it is the perfect piece of art for my body. Now you know the story... :)


Another eventful story recently consisted of me trying to rush myself out of the door at work. I was basically frantic in trying to get home in time and amidst the chaos, I left my phone on top of my car. As I was driving, I was going to text Scott and realized that I couldn't find my phone anywhere... and in the midst of the crazy thought "Did I leave my phone on top of my car?", I looked in the rear view mirror to see it slip off and get ran over by the car behind me. I flipped around as quick as I could and managed to pick up the largest two pieces of the 7 or 8 that were strewn about.



Downside? I lost everyones numbers, old text messages (including the first one from Scott that I had held onto for a year and a half) and camera-phone pictures. On the plus side? I lost everyones number and I got a new phone. It's a light blue Chocolate - very cute and very gay. Like me.
I have to admit - it's very liberating to lose everyones number and start from scratch. My contact list went from about 80 to 15. And really... that is fine with me.