It's November?!

Wow. It's November. Where does time go? It seems to go quicker the older I get... I've never really understood that. At any rate, many things have happened over the past few months so some catching up is in order.
First off, Happy (belated) Halloween! Halloween is also my sisters birthday, so growing up, Halloween always carried extra special meaning and cause for extra celebration. There's always going to be a part of me that wants to go all out. Surprisingly, work became incredibly demanding for both Scott and myself and I didn't get around to decorating, carving pumpkins and doing all the things I normally do for Halloween. Luckily, Scott and I were able to attend a party or two and dress up - so it's nice that, if not anything else, that was able to happen. Now, allow me to break away for a bit and speak my mind about costumes for Halloween. In fact, I live by a set of rules for Halloween costumes:

1. Stick to your race. I will never dress up as any character that is not Caucasian.There's no better way to create an awkward moment than running into a person who is actually the race you are half-assingly trying to portray.
   
2. Stick to your gender. I am pretty sure that I will not make an attractive woman and, honestly, I am not willing to find out for sure. (Plus, Scott has told me on more than one occasion that he'd break up with me if I did drag.)
3. Be unique - I will never dress up as a generic cowboy or cop. It will be incredibly specific to ensure there is no one else dressed up in a similar costume. If it's a cop, it's going to be the evil cop from Terminator 2 or one of the cops from Reno 911. If I'm going to be a cowboy, it's going to be one from actual history or Marty from Back to the Future 3... (apparently I have a thing for 90's movies - but you catch my drift.)
4. Commit to the costume. If you are dressed up as a cat, don't just buy cat ears, wear black and paint on some whiskers. There better be fur, a tail, collar and you should be holding a ball of yarn and meowing on occasion throughout the night.

The gay community and their costumes are similar to womens costumes - you can be anything you want, it just needs to be a slutty version of it. I didn't want to play into that and I didn't want to 'celebrate' the gory side of Halloween either (I don't get peoples fascination with horror - I don't enjoy it at all)
Anyway, with that in mind, I decided to be the opposite of horror and sleaze and ended up choosing Jesus. For a few reasons actually - One, I like Jesus. Two, I feel that people get so uptight about religion and spirituality and I was curious to see if people would respond positively or negatively to it. Three, with all the news recently of young gay people committing suicide, I wanted to dress as a gay-friendly version of Jesus. Beside the fact that I feel Jesus is, in fact, gay friendly, I feel like people act out their hate and intolerance in the name of religion - deciding what is right and what it wrong for people who don't share those same beliefs. I'm sick of it. So the idea of a gay man dressing up as Jesus seemed incredibly appealing. And it actually ended up being a fun costume and interesting for me because it made me think of what Jesus actually looked like. Granted, I may have gone against my first rule in costumes - I'm pretty sure Jesus was not Caucasian, I figured I was safe. Especially since every culture seems to claim Jesus in their own race.
Scott dressed up as a scientist and oddly enough, people thought we were a joint costume, being "Science and Religion". We didn't plan that, but we rolled with it once people started relating our costumes to each other. All in all, it was a fun Halloween and I am officially partied out for a good month or so.

(Picture with our friend Jacque who was Poison Ivy (of the Batman Villian variety)

Moving back, let me fill you in on the Chicago Marathon. Training for the marathon was something I stuck pretty regularly to throughout the past 9 months - especially while Scott was gone in New Jersey. I think there is something in me that is incredibly self-motivated when I am alone for an extended period of time - and maybe it's partly due to the fact that I have more time to myself to do those things. At any rate, I felt confident in my training and honestly felt that I would not only meet my time goal of 4:20:00, but would actually would surpass that time and do better than I initally expected. On one of my long runs (24 miles), however, I tweaked my knee - it was about 6 or 7 weeks before the race, so I took it easy with my following runs, took pain pills/applied mass amounts of Icy/Hot, iced my knee after runs and workouts, bought a brace and tried to do my best to take it easy. On race day, I brought my brace just in case, popped some pills and did my best.
It was a pleasant run for the first 8 miles or so before I started feeling pain in my knee - so I strapped the brace tighter and kept on. Around the mile 14, I started cramping up, so I ended up falling behind and around mile 17-18, I was cramping up so bad that I ran until I cramped up and walked until I could run again... and continued that until the end. Add to the fact that I was fighting a cold and the temperature was in the low 80's, it ended up being a rough couple of hours. 05:05:41 to be exact. I wasn't the most impressed with myself, despite my circumstances, but one I was able to sit back and realize - Yes, in fact, I did do my best. That's when I felt proud of my finish time.
Scott was adorable. When I got home, Scott had prepared a wonderful dinner of smoked barbeque chicken, pumpkin biscuits, and fried sweet potatoes - which I was only able to eat a fraction of because my body was so rocked from the race. It was all incredibly delicious and I ate mass amounts later that night. He also got me some Lush products - a bath bomb, a massage bar and some foot lotion so that I could pamper myself after the race. In addition to that, he threw a small get together with some of our close friends as a congratulatory time party for me - he made tea, coffee and, best of all, the most delicious carrot bundt cake I've ever eaten. I don't know how I got so lucky to have him as my partner, but the man sure knows how to make me feel loved.
As congratulations to myself, I signed up for my next marathon in Cincinnati in May. It is the 13th annual Flying Pig Marathon - I don't know what I was attracted to more, the fact that it was the number 13 or that it was a marathon named after flying pigs, but regardless it was a natural choice to be my next marathon. Tomorrow, I have an appointment with an orthopedic doctor (the same doctor for the Chicago Bears, apparently) who, I hope, will tell me that my knee will be strong for years to come and wish me well on my future training. I didn't want to start training for the next marathon until I got the official OK from a doctor.
All in all, things are going well. Work has been going well - the new dessert menu has been up for a few weeks now and is going pretty well. Desserts tend to sell really well initially because all of the servers are excited about the new items and then it tapers off and we sell an average amount. I feel more confident in my menu writing skills, although it is still a process that I need to get used to. Especially since the menu is not mine - it is my bosses - so my style is always trumped by her. Which is fine (for now) - she has the experience and knowledge obviously or else she would be in the position she is. But I'm looking forward to creating my own items and not worrying about it being picked apart, changed and rearranged into something that is no longer my idea. With that in mind, I am beginning to be more proactive about creating a serious plan for my own business. I want to be my own boss and am beginning to take those first steps toward making that dream a reality. More on that to follow - perhaps here, perhaps on the culinary blog...
Another thing that has been on my mind heavily lately is religion - but what's new, right? I've been reading a book called A History of God by Karen Armstrong.

It is completely fascinating. It takes the reader on a historic journey through the belief of Gods in different cultures and religions - primarily Christianity, Judaism and Islam. (Though she has also touched on historic philosophers concepts of God/a Higher Power.) I think the most fascinating thing for me was discovering more about Islam and the prophet Muhammed. I had no idea that in Islam, Allah is considered the same God shared by Christians and Jews. Similarly, I had no idea that Muslims recognize prophets of the Old Testament and Jesus as spiritual leaders and prophets of God. Also, something I love about the Islam religion is that they don't just read the words of the Koran. It is chanted in Arabic in a almost a poetic tone - to the point that it transcends someone just reciting a verse - its an experience and feeling unique to someone like me who has only read scripture like a book.
Karen Armstrong writes: "It is not a book to be read simply to acquire information. It is meant to yield a sense of the diving, and must not be read in haste... By approaching the Koran in the right way, Muslims claim that they do experience a sense of transcendence, of an ultimate reality and power that lie behind the transient and fleeting phenomena of the mundane world. Reading the Koran is therefore a spiritual discipline, which Christians may find difficult to understand because they do not have a sacred language, in the way that Hebrew, Sanskrit and Arabic are sacred to Jews, Hindus and Muslims."
It is so fascinating to me. I actually looked up people reciting the Koran - it is an experience. Check this out.

This is performed by Mr.Amin Pouya from Iran at the International Quran Competitions held at Calicut, India in August 2006. (The reviews of this say that 4:30 - 5:00 in the video is the most emotional/wonderful - so check that out especially.)
It has been so wonderful to learn more about Islam and the beliefs of Muslims - the only information I've really acquired up to this point is the negative press in the media. Which, let's be honest, I never believed. I hardly believe anything the media says, especially if it is casting a negative light on an entire culture.
Another thing that I've been really into lately is a weekly program on NPR entitled On Being, hosted by Krista Tippett. It is a fascinating program that focuses on faith, humanity, beliefs, culture, spirituality and ethics... each week features something new and enlightening. I can't get enough of it. You are able to listen to/download any of their programs for free on their website - which I strongly encourage anyone to do. If you are interested in this sort of thing - I simply love it.
At any rate, it is time to throw in the towel for the night. I am going in early to work tomorrow so I can make it to my appointment with the orthopedic doctor, followed by getting my vote on. Oh, Illinois politicians... who is the least corrupt that I should vote for? That is the question...

Until next time!

Summer 2010

The past few months (also known as 'Summer') have come and gone incredibly quick. The only things I have to show for it are some great lessons learned from the school of hard knocks while I was at work, a sweet farmers tan from training for the Chicago Marathon while running outside and a couple of blog posts that were started and never saw the light of day. For the hard knocks lessons, you can visit my other blog here. As far as my farmers tan, I don't even want to look at it myself, let alone show you. But alas, the unfinished blog entries, I can definitely share. Here is one that I started on July 28th, which then moves in to a blog I started on June 25th:

I don't know where this summer has gone - I'm looking back on July alone and it is literally a blur. I suppose that is what happens when time is spent being incredibly involved in work (large parties, wedding cakes, wedding planning - and especially research for the new menu in my off time) along with training for the marathon in October, tennis every week - as well as a unexpected social life with new and old friends. It's been busier than I anticipated and I'm finding myself a little shocked that Scott just got home a few days ago.

The last paragraph was incredibly condensed. Let me elaborate somewhat... June held some incredibly emotional times. Namely, the 25th was the one year mark of Sadie's passing... which, I'm not going to lie, threw me into a funk. I started to write a blog about it, but never finished... here's what I did write.

(This is where the entry from June 25th picks up)

Today marks one year since my niece Sadie passed away... and while I am resisting the urge to talk about the memories and emotions that made me a hot mess today, I want to focus on something I realized today. The reason I am back here in Chicago, living my dream is because of Sadie's example. If it wasn't for her passion for living life to the fullest, I honestly don't think I'd have been proactive as I was to apply for the position I am currently in. It was a form of inspiration to reconnect with a contact (my boss, now) and the chance in a lifetime that my dream job opened up that next week. I pursued it with all my energy and intent... and I got it. I remember during the application process and the interviews, I thought of Sadie taking advantage of time to do the things she wanted to do, and that gave me the extra drive to make my dreams happen.
That is just one of many reasons that she inspired and influenced me then... and still does to this day - I know for a fact there are countless other people who share that sentiment.
It was actually a very special moment for me today to be able to have some time to sit and reflect on Sadie's short but fulfilling life. To aide in that process, I pulled out an audio copy of Sadie's funeral service that my sister gave me right before I moved back to Chicago. I listened to the music that was played and words spoken, and while tears were steadily flowing, I couldn't help but feel overjoyed. My sister and her husband did such an incredible job with the organization of the program, because it truly was a celebration of Sadie's life (and her love of it) while she was here. And I guess that's the positive message I've been trying to pull from today - Enjoying life while you have it and living it to the fullest. My sister did an amazing job in her talk, telling memories, playing clips of Sadie singing and laughing, telling about her favorite things, way and examples she showed her love.... truly special.
I thought of her all day today but I couldn't help but feel her with me when I was icing and decorating a wedding cake. That may sound strange, but knowing Sadie's love of baking (and her attention to detail and decoration), it was a special moment for me to do something I know she loved, especially on a day when she was constantly on my mind.
I realize this post is a bit all over the place, but I couldn't let the day go by without acknowledging Sadie and her memory today. I miss her so much and still look up to her and her example.

(The entry then picks back up when I wrote on July 28th)

My birthday was the next day an I ended up working a 13 hour shift - it was actually a unique experience because we had 2 wedding cakes to prepare and set-up, in addition to a celebrity event that was being held at the hotel. The event was called Rally for Kids which is an organization set up for kids with cancer. The idea behind the even was that the celebrities would be driving super expensive cars and do a scavenger hunt all over the city of Chicago. The scavenger hunt itself was not just picking up items, but doing tasks along the way - and our task at the hotel was to have the celebrities build a 2-layer cake in 12 minutes (including the icing, filling and decoration). The first task was that they needed to whip their whipping cream for the filling until it was stiff enough - and they got bonus points if they were brave enough to flip the bowl of whipped cream over and hold it over their heads for a couple of seconds. My personal task was to judge the whipped cream station for the bonus points and every single celebrity went for it. They all were able to do it, although one group flung the bowl over their head so fast that the bowl flew out of their hands. It landed on the floor and shot the whipped cream all over the front of my pants and the floor around me - luckily enough stayed in the bowl so that the lady could still fill her cake.
All in all, it was a fun event to be a part of - and the cakes the celebrities made generally looked awful.

(I wish I had pictures of that event - but since most of the celebrities were... well, celebrities - it would've looked tacky on a personal level and bad, as an employee of Marriott, to snap a few pictures. Rest assured, it was hilarious. E! News anchor Giuliana DePandi and Apprentice winner Bill Rancic were filming there for their reality show, so there's the possibility that you'll get to see the action eventually. I did have to sign a release after they left, so apparently I'm in a few of the shots - We'll see...)

Finally, this blog was started on August 3:

Tonight I was able to go to the Wellness House to teach a class about antioxidants. We had a small lecture about what antioxidants are, and then we rolled out sweet dough to make fruit tarts. While the tart shells were baking, we played a matching game about what fruits paired with what antioxidants and then we all shared our answers. Following that, I had a little demo of how to build a fruit tart and then they all decorated their own tarts (and consumed them quickly) It was such a great night - and it was such a great experience to be able to work with these families who are facing such a hard event in their lives. I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but it's interesting volunteering there because you go in there knowing that someone in this family - whether it be a dad, mom, grandparent, or one of the children - is battling cancer, they at least have this one night to be around people who are facing similar situations and be able to have that support... and simply have fun and enjoy themselves. It humbles me every time I'm there.

Along the same lines, I recently had an incredible pleasure to meet the Watters family who live in a nearby suburb of Chicago. The youngest member of the Watters family, Benny, is battling the same cancer that Sadie faced. He was diagnosed in January of 2009, and is clearly beating the odds with his battle. I found out about this family through my sister (who is part of a great support of families who have faced similar battles with DIPG) and I contacted them saying where I work and asked if they ever wanted to come and visit, it'd be great to do a fun pastry project together or something. Well, after some correspondence and arranging of schedules, we were able to meet up at the hotel. I took them on a little tour of the hotel (the rooftop garden, the bees and the pastry shop), then they decorated cupcakes in the pastry shop and snacked on some delicious snacks. All the while, I was able to get to know them better and instantly felt such love and respect for them. We are already planning another cupcake event soon at their home. Here are a few pictures:


Suffice to say, it's been a great summer. While it has gone fast, it has been memorable beyond anything I could've hoped for. Work is going well... now. There was a small chunk of time there where I was struggling with meeting the expectations of my boss, and quite honestly, of myself. But as all lessons in life, I was able to work through it and was able to learn from the negative experiences to become more productive, effective and successful.

Regarding the training for the marathon, it's going quite fantastic. I have a time goal of 4:20:00 and I feel really optimistic that I'm going to be able to do that. My long runs have reached up to 25 miles and I am able to run home from work (which is roughly 9 miles) feeling really good. The marathon is coming up here in a few weeks (October 10) - so it's finally becoming a reality that this is really happening soon. I mentioned in an earlier blog about my new goal of 50 marathons in 50 states before I turn 50... well, my boss at work found out about that and is dedicated to trying to help me achieve this goal ASAP. She'll be in her office and call me in, with a serious tone. I am concerned when I go in, thinking I messed something up unknowingly, but she hands me a printout of a marathon in a neighboring state and says I should run that one to knock that state out of the way. Its nice to have that support at work for personal goals... I feel very lucky often to be working where I am.

Scott is back from his summer program - things were a little rocky for him coming back to a very open schedule after his intense schooling and going right into a summer program that worked him 6 days a week with ridiculous hours. As I'm sure any of us would agree, too much free time is not a good thing and Scott instantly felt desire to work. Unfortunately, the job market is still awful in Chicago and he was having a hard time finding any work, despite his qualifications, schooling and persistence in applying for any (and every) job that he could imagine doing. Gratefully, his choir job with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra began recently and his choir job at church will begin shortly - in addition to another job he got recently. So all in all, things are working out well. He was able to make some incredible contacts during the summer in Princeton and I wouldn't be surprised if by early next year, his professional career is incredibly busy. I have no doubt in my mind he's going to be wildly successful - and I don't just say that because I'm his partner and am madly in love with him - he is the type of person that has that drive to make his dreams a reality and nothing is going to come in the way of that. His voice is gorgeous, he is gorgeous and it's only a matter of time before he's performing all over the world. (You heard it here first, people.) Seriously. He's incredible. So... for now, it's great to have him home. But I am excited for him to go out there and fulfill his passion... his auditions for various programs/companies are coming up quickly, so it'll be exciting to see what happens and where he'll be going next.

What else... On a personal level, I've been feeling more of a drive to get in touch with my spirituality and relationship with God. I had a neat experience with one of my best friends recently when we were out to dinner. We were talking religion and spirituality and I was explaining my frustration with religion and how I'm not able to get out of religion what I desire. One thing I loved about the LDS church that I miss is the fact that there was 2/3 of the services devoted to teaching of doctrine and principles of the church. I miss learning about spirituality. I miss learning doctrine. I miss pulling out scriptures and referencing articles and taking notes. (Am I the only one who did this?!?!) I miss that aspect of my spirituality and I don't feel I've gotten it from any church I've been to since. Let me be clear in saying that I don't miss the LDS church - really. But I do miss learning and getting something out of lessons/sermons/etc. I was explaining to my friend how fluffy the church Scott and I go to is - the sermons are 'feel-good' types of sermons with 'Love everyone' mingled with cultural references so the congregation can relate in a very modern way. I can't stand it. I attempted every time I was there to get something out of it and all I heard was ethical babble about doing good - which is fine for some people, but I expect more for myself. So I told him that where I go to church now, God is fluffy. He has rainbows and puppies and everyone is great no matter what. My friend is actually studying to become a priest in the Catholic church, but has a background in Judaism, Mormonism, and even Wicca, among others - so this man knows spirituality... which is one great reason we get along so well. He asked me questions about what I expect of my spirituality and if I think I can get it from religion... Well, unknown to us, the table next to us was eves dropping on our conversation and as they got up to leave, one of the men handed me a slip of paper and said 'I think you might need this book. Good luck.' I opened the slip of paper and it said the title of a book called The Discernment of Spirits (by Timothy M. Gallagher). I don't believe in coincidences and I certainly am open to anyone who might have a suggestion on what I can do to help my spirituality, so I took this as a kind sign from a kind stranger and I ordered the book. I'm currently in the process of reading it now - it's a heavy book (and I don't mean the weight) - but it's an interesting idea that you can discern what comes from God by your feelings. If you hear something and you feel peaceful and happy with what you hear, then it comes from God. If you feel doubt or questioning or have a hard time thinking, then it comes from another source that is not of God. This definitely sounds more simple than how it's presented in the book, and maybe it really is that simple at the root of it all, but I think it's going to be a great tool as I learn more about this discernment of spirits and as I discover my spirituality more.

At any rate, this novel must come to a close - I have coffee in the morning with a dear friend and I still have miles to go before I sleep. Until next time.

It's Oh So Quiet

The apartment is so quiet right now. I guess I've grown accustom to hearing Scott listening to opera scenes on youtube or hearing him perfecting a piece that he's learning for one of his upcoming roles. But he is in transit to Princeton, New Jersey for the next two months for a summer program. I know he's going to be incredibly busy and I know I am going to be incredibly busy with my work - but here I am at day one and I already miss hearing him in the other room. It's something I'm sure I will get used to over time - The opera world seems to be incredibly transient with going from place to place for weeks to months at a time. I should've prefaced that with a "If you're good, the opera world seems to be transient"... And Scott is. He may be just starting out his professional career, but it's only a matter of time before he is singing all over the world, selling out opera theaters, getting standing ovations and such. I'll look back on this time and think "Wow. I had a hard time with him being gone for two months? Bitch, please." or something along those lines. Above it all, however, I am so proud of him. I have no doubt he's going to do (and be) amazing.

Aside from that, I had the entire day off - to myself. This past month was insane with looking for a new apartment, Scott's recital, Scott's graduation, people visiting from town every weekend for 4 weeks straight, wedding cakes and prom events at the hotel, being sick for a good 2 weeks (thanks to allergies I didn't know I had) - I feel like I've hardly had time to sit and breathe - and suddenly, there is a calm silence in the apartment and I can't help but feel like I should be running somewhere or doing something specific. But instead, after an emotional goodbye early this morning, I went back to sleep (and slept in), I took time making breakfast, I did yoga, went for an hour run along Lakeshore Drive, spend some time with kitty - just took time to enjoy myself again. I have plans this evening to research some things for a project at work, as well as research for my new blog www.pastrymelioration.blogspot.com. This blog was created with the thought that I fully intend to take my career to the next level and learn all I can to be the best - because, let's be real, it's inevitable that I'm going to be incredibly successful. I look quiet and soft-spoken, but I am ambitious and determined to constantly be better than I am. So, with that in mind, I realized recently that there are things in my career I need to work on, and I'm going to track those goals, lessons, and thoughts on that blog. Read it if you'd like, shout out some ideas/comments from time to time and we'll all have a splendid time learning something together.

All in all, the update is this: Things are going really well. I am getting back into my marathon training (there was a decent pause due to... well... the month of May [see previous paragraph]); the career is going incredibly well, especially with the wedding season already in full swing; We (Scott, myself and our roommate Jess) renewed our lease and are staying in our apartment for another year (thus, eliminating the stress of moving); Truly, I expect some great things to happen this summer.

One thing that was incredible (that I unfortunately missed due to being here in Chicago) was a golf tournament/silent auction that T and Zac set up in honor of Sadie, that benefitted 'The Cure Starts Now' chapter in Utah. The updates that I've been seeing from Sadies blog (sadiehuish.blogspot.com) as well as T's facebook have been showing that the event was a huge success. It is so exciting to hear about.

June is bound to be a very special/emotional month - I do look back on memories from last year fondly, but it was just such an awful situation to be going through and my heart aches when I think of Sadie being gone for an entire year. It is still so unbelieveable. One of many things I gained from being back in Utah last year was being grateful for each moment and taking advantage of it - that has definitely played heavily into my daily life.

More updates are sure to follow - especially with all this extra free time on my hands. :)

Food to me

I’ve been meaning for a while now to update my blog with all the things that have happened recently. At any rate, many things have happened and as I look back, there has continued to be a continual positive change as time progresses. I still love work completely – I wake up every morning with a mix of excitement and a tinge of anxiety for what the day will hold. Usually I learn something new every day – whether its creating something I’ve never had the chance to in the past, or having an opportunity to refine a skill I already have or discovering away to make something good into something great. My boss continues to push me and encourages me to expand my horizons and strive for perfection. I appreciated it at first with a sense of respect, but now I demand it of myself. Good enough simply isn’t good enough anymore and I love that I’ve gotten to that point already in my career. As a result I expect incredible things from myself and I know I’ll accomplish it by being where I am.

I mentioned before on the blog that one of the hard things for me with creating the menu for this past season was flavor profiling and creating items – in truth, I still struggle with that, but I appreciate the challenge. Something that has helped was a book that was recommended to me by a co-worker entitled Not for Bread Alone – Writers on food, wine and the art of eating (Daniel Halpern). It is a collection of some of the greatest minds in culinary on their experiences with food, how it affects them, their origins with it, their ideas of the future of it and so on. It really got me thinking about my origins of food and where my love of food began.

I can remember looking forward to my mom doing wedding cakes, which meant I'd be taking scraps of wedding cake from a giant plastic bowl and dipping it in the other large bowl filled with white butter cream; I remember my mom making a delicious almond plum tart in a sheet pan and eating so much of it that I made myself sick (and I’d usually eat it row by row instead of piece by piece so no one knew that I was taking as much as I was – my idea of being clever… something I still tend to do when Scott makes cookie bars); I remember my best friend and I making birthday cakes for each other with the most random flavors (Do you remember when boxed cakes had tropical flavors, like kiwi?); I remember making caramel corn with my siblings from a kids cookbook that we used so many times the pages stuck together; I remember pistachio pudding (with mini marshmallows) feeling like a luxury; I remember completely disregarding the great things my mom had planted in the back – tromping through raspberry bushes, hating the plumb trees because of how they smelled when the fruit fell and rotted on the ground, playing batting practice with the not quite ripe green apples in the large tree – never really making the connection between the things that were growing in the back were actually edible and delicious.

I can never quite recall my mom making meals – since my dad passed away when I was really young, she would spend most of her time at work or school and I can vividly remember eating out a lot. Taco Time was a favorite spot and reminds me of mom simply because we would make journeys there if only for large Cokes with the pebble ice. Likewise, Sunday traditions would include getting donuts from Winchells and later on grabbing a bucket of KFC and either going for a Sunday drive or spending time together in my Mom’s room watching TV. And to this day, I still feel like a McDonalds Coke will cure anything.

My siblings can probably remember a time when my mom would cook regularly but, aside from her wedding cakes, I simply do not. And it’s nothing against her in any way because I know she was incredibly busy and was truly doing all she could do – I mean, after work and school, coming home to cook a meal for 5 people probably didn’t seem like the most practical. I feel ashamed to say it, but I hated bringing a lunch to school – and Mom always packed one for me despite all she was doing. I know she was doing the best she could, but I remember on a number of occasions eating PB&J sandwiches on hamburger buns, an apple and crumbly potato chips and I was so embarrassed to eat it front of people. It seems so silly now to look back on and especially now that money can be tight for me at times, so I improvise in random ways like she did. But I also remember my initial or nickname always being on the brown paper sack with a smile – and sometimes she would even include a note just to say she loved me and to do well in school. (I think I still have a lot of those notes in a box somewhere – even at 7 or 8, I thought it was the sweetest thing ever.)

It’s pretty interesting how our lives connect with food – I mean, really, you spend 3 times a day (hopefully) devoting time specifically to nourishing yourself and more often than not, enjoying that food with someone you love &/or doing something you enjoy. Food is directly connected to love and pleasure. I encourage anyone reading this to really look back on your life and think about your memories of food – it’s actually quite an experience.

This entry took a completely different route than anticipated – there is still so much to say, but apparently this needed to be said at this time.

Speaking of food – it is definitely dinner time.

Now and Later

I discovered tonight that I actually enjoy running. Maybe it's because I've been doing a form of training for the past 3 weeks or so and perhaps it is finally something that my body responds incredibly positively to. Up until this point, running has been something that I do to stay in shape, avoid the diabetes that runs in the family, relieve some negative emotion, a way to discover neighborhoods, etc. - but I've never felt like I run because I love running - but alas, I now do. I am a runner. And along those same lines, I have gotten a keen itch that I want to continually have something to look forward to (in regard to fitness). I recently decided that I want to do a triathlon. I still do - but after reading books on it and researching what is needed for it, I have decided to postpone simply because of the lack of disposable income. If I, say, won the lottery and had an abundance of extra money floating around - Well, sure. I would get the essentials (and probably some non-essentials because I could.) But I will just wait for now and instead focus my workouts around running and cross-training - namely, introducing my legs to long distances and speed on the bike and also learning how to not flounder like a beached whale while I swim. It's a work in progress, but I've been devoting some quality time to it. My new goal in mind, however, is crazy and exciting. I have decided to run a marathon in every state by the time I'm 50. (50 before I'm 50 - get it?) I've always wanted to travel around - I don't care where, just discovering some place new that I've never been to. And what better way to discover a place than to devote 26.2 miles running around? I also decided that my 51st marathon will be the yearly marathon held in Athens, where the marathon came to be. Suffice to say I have my work cut out for me - but I'm looking forward to it. The Chicago Marathon this year is going to be held on October 10, 2010 (10-10-10) - so I'm pretty sure I will register for that little nugget and get this goal in action.

And great timing - I just finished a huge project at work, involving the creation, experimentation and execution of the new dessert menu for the restaurant at the Marriott and it. has. been. stressing. me. out. I have discovered throughout this process that I, in fact, am not a foodie. I don't necessarily crave foods or have specific comfort foods - in fact, when asked by my boss what my favorite dessert type comfort food it, I couldn't think of one. I still can't. I don't necessarily enjoy eating desserts - I usually eat a dessert because it's there in front of my face. I don't really go out of my way to make things for myself. I like to make things and pawn it off on people - I enjoy the creation aspect, I enjoy making the final product brilliant and I enjoy seeing people enjoy it. So - back to this menu - imagine me sitting down with a blank sheet of paper planning out 4-5 main desserts, 4 pies, 4-5 ice creams and a specialty drink, all with appropriate garnishes and plating presentations. *sigh* I felt like I was in school again and it seemed that I was putting more pressure on myself than I needed. The more I worked on it, the more I drew a blank. So I was given suggestions to help the creative flow. One, which I loved, was going through cookbooks, recipes and articles and picking out ones with interesting flavors. For instance, I saw an apple-oatmeal muffin that was flavored with maple syrup. So I wrote down 'Apple, Oatmeal, Maple' and thought about desserts that I'd enjoy that would include those ingredients. (The final product, by the way, is an Apple Oatmeal Stout Cake: The same idea as an upside down cake, with sauteed apples (in a maple sour cream sauce) on the bottom of an aluminum baking cup, then putting oatmeal cake batter (flavored with Guinness) on top. Bake that off, then when it comes out of the oven, turn it over on the plate (in all it's warm gooey gloriousness) and add house-made granola and a scoop of house-made maple ice cream.) So, while the entire process, in hindsight, was a great experience, I'm just exhausted from trying to get it all to work out and getting the menu up and running. Thanks to the incredible help the entire way from a co-worker, we were able to start the new menu today. No matter where you were, I'm sure you personally heard my sigh of relief this morning around 11:30 this morning when I finally set everything up and had finished the tasting with the restaurant staff. But like all things in life, you can never just stop and enjoy the moment - I got word today that we need to start thinking about the new menu for spring. Good times.

So - work is well. Health is well. And big news - I'm finally getting my ass back to Utah to see my family. It's funny how time has flown. I got caught up in work as soon as I got here and when I was able to have time off with the slow months at the beginning of the year, I couldn't afford to make it back there. God bless the tax return, because I booked my ticket and will be back in April. I imagine it'll be an emotional time, not only because it will have been roughly 9 months since I've seen them all last, but also because of our plans to run the Salt Lake 5K that weekend. The last time we did that, we were part of around 75 people, grouped together as Team Sadie, decked out in pink shirts (and facial hair in my brothers case) - Sadie was in a stroller, also decked out in Team Sadie apparel and pushed by T throughout the race. Two years later, we've decided to group up as a family and do this in remembrance and honor of Sadie - And I like to imagine that this year Sadie will be running along side us.

Anyway, I've had an exhausting day and need to take a breather away from the glow of a computer screen. In the words of a hymn, 'Happy day, all is well'.

(Did I really just reference a hymn? And of all the ones to reference, 'Come, Come Ye Saints?'. I'm keeping that line in because it's too random to delete.)

Until next time!

Holidays 2009

I'm starting this post in Kansas City, MO. I'm coming up on the tail end of an eventful holiday and am now here in Missouri supporting Scott in his first professional opera gig. Apparently a wealthy couple was celebrating their 50th anniversary and wanted to have opera singers perform their favorite opera. Scott was a part of this opera production this previous summer in Chicago, so was chosen to perform here in Kansas City. Pretty exciting... I'm trying to refrain from gushing, but, truth be told, I'm so proud of him.

This holiday season has been a great one. Full of emotion, but overall wonderful. Work has been incredibly stressful, but in a different way than before. Where a few months I was working some hard 70+ hour weeks, I am now barely able to make 40 hours - but still be expected to produce the same amount of work. I was tired before, but now I am physically exhausted and want to sleep all the time. Granted, I don't - thank God for coffee and other caffeinated products.

I can't really complain though. My executive pastry chef is exceptionally wonderful at her job - she is a rare breed that can completely fulfill both the pastry aspect and the management aspect of the position. She is understanding of where I'm at personally and professionally in my career and is very supportive in helping me become all I can be. That being said, she can be a gigantic bitch. There have been numerous times, I am not proud to admit, that she has come down on me for not being fast enough, for not assessing a situation properly or for not managing my time well enough. I know that as I write this, she is stretching me to become the best I can be - but there are times that I want to either scream and throw something or cry. Or both. Her and I recently had a sit down and talked about my goals and plans for the future. I expressed my interest in management and learning all I can in baking and pastry. So with that in mind, she has not forgotten on what I want to learn and continues to push me to the edge everyday.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm tired all the time. The stress of the job isn't just trying to get everything to look and taste perfect, it's the stress of getting it perfect in the fastest amount of time possible with a wonderful/frightening boss looking at your every move.

Which is why I've been truly enjoying my time away from work and from Chicago. I needed a break and the fact that it is the holidays and that Scott has a gig in a random city I've never been to helped me tremendously.

Christmas was great this year. Scott and I were actually able to wait until the 23rd to exchange gifts (usually neither of us can wait to give a gift, so we tend to give the gift the day we bought it). Scott got me a new camera and a beautiful glass mug set from Crate and Barrel, I got Scott a new external hard drive for his computer (doesn't sound exciting, but the man needed it) and a set of lovely champagne glasses from Crate and Barrel (great minds think alike). We also got each other stocking stuffers - I got him a new Vivica Genaux C.D. and he got me stainless steel measuring spoons and a wine bottle stopper. We also got each other the same snacks from World Market without the other knowing it - delicious imported grape gummies, dark chocolate bar with sea salt and ginger mints.

I worked the few days leading up to Christmas, including Christmas Eve. That day nearly killed me at work (see description of work above) and then I raced home to get ready for the Christmas service at church. There was a little pre-party with the choir members before the service started, then we all went over to the church to sing our little hearts out for the Christmas service. Its been pretty interesting singing with the choir. I, by no means, have a great singing voice - it is fairly average, in fact - but being able to sing the unique pieces we've sung and having the spiritual aspect of church to look forward to on a weekly basis has been a great experience. Not to forget, I love being a part of the choir when Scott is singing a solo - it sounds lame, but it makes me feel like I'm able to be a part of what he does and it makes me feel a little closer to him. That being said, the Christmas service was beautiful and full of music - some of the music was stunning, some that was a little odd - but all in all was a great privilege to be a part of. The service ended with the entire congregation singing Silent Night and the only light was from all of us holding candles - I'm not sure if that is typical of a Christmas service, but it was lovely and something I've never experienced. I got a tad emotional, given the year I've had, and I couldn't help but feel overwhelmed the entire experience. Especially since Christmas Eve has always been my family's time and it will always be hard to be away from them on that day. Talking on the phone with them during the party just isn't the same, you know? (Plus, I kept thinking how nice it will be to have this year over with. It has been such a rollercoaster.)

Anyway, the next morning, Scott and I got up early and hit the road. We were able to get to Des Moines by 1:00 or so and spent the entire day and night at his dad's house. It has been interesting to see an evolution in Scott and his dad's relationship - there has been quite a history with them, but the more Scott and I spend with his dad and his step-mom, Karen, the more I love and respect them. Take for instance the fact that they put a picture of Scott and I up in their home. It may seem small, but that little gesture nearly made me break out into tears. (Are you all getting the bottom line that I am emotional?!) I've never known acceptance like that - scratch that, not just acceptance, but love and support of us as a couple. They, as well as Scott's mom Collette, freely give us a place to stay whenever we are in town - I've never felt more welcome and more part of the family than I did over this holiday.

Scott and I got spoiled with gifts - we got some amazing books, some incredible cooking/baking supplies, among other things. The most exciting thing though was the fact that Scott's sister, Stacy, had her baby boy, Samson Ferris Hancock on December 28th. Unfortunately, it was the first night that Scott and I got into Kansas City, so we haven't been able to meet the little guy yet, but we are so excited to see him.

It made me think of all my nieces and nephews back in Utah - I sure miss them all so much. I miss Sadie everyday and thought of her a great deal over the past month - I still check Sadie's blog everyday. It has become habit. No longer am I checking to see if there is an update in her condition, but I still like to know that people besides me are thinking of her regularly. My sis does a great job at doing that.

God, what an emotional year. What an emotional holiday. Wish you all the best start to your new year - Oh. And Scott and I decided that instead of 'resolutions', we are doing 'New Years Renovations'. Feel free to jump on that train. ;)

Resolutions/Thanksgiving

As many of you know, my birthday this past year was an emotional one. I had moved back to Utah for a few months to be with my family while my niece fought a incredibly brave battle with cancer - she passed away the day before my 26th birthday. I don't remember much about my birthday except that I was numb and didn't really do much of anything - at least that's what I thought. Today I came across a list of my new year's resolutions - See, I decided (with the wise advice from a close friend) that resolutions should start on your birthday and be your goals and plans for your new year. I don't remember making a list, but I did - and it goes as follows:

• Commit time to getting in touch with myself spiritually
• Learn more about Jesus Christ - hopefully develop faith in Him
• Learn major chords on the guitar
• Commit myself to writing more poetry
• Find a stable career in Chicago that I love, has great benefits for Scott and myself.
• Get a new tattoo (in remembrance of Sadie)
• Read a new book every month
• Learn to love exercising (especially building muscle - not just doing cardio all the time)

I post it here now simply because a new year is coming up and since we as a people tend to draw our attention to resolutions and trying to make ourselves better, it felt somewhat appropriate. There are a few things on my list that I haven't even touched - learning to love exercising, learning major chords on the guitar, and getting a tattoo to name a few. But there are some that have already happened or are in the process of happening. The way things worked out with Marriott has given me a very stable career here in Chicago that I love completely and as of last week, Scott and I have insurance and benefits. By taking the train to work, I have a good 45 minutes each way with nothing much to do - except read. As a result, I've been able to read a new book every couple weeks.
And regarding spirituality, I'm sure it goes without saying that it is something that is definitely not a destination, but a journey - and I'm in the process. I've mentioned this in previous blogs, but because of Sadie, I have started a very serious journey of faith centered around Jesus Christ. I've been spending quite a bit of time reading, praying, relying on my feelings and intuition about what feels right - and as a result I do have faith in Jesus Christ. It may be small at this point, but it is there - and I'm curious to see where this road takes me in the future.
So while my new years resolution may have been written and forgotten about for a while, it's been interesting to look at it now and assess what I've been able to do and what now needs to be taken care of to make my life a little bit better. (And I partly posted it on here to make it more concrete in my mind that those things need to get taken care of.)

In other news, Thanksgiving was great. Scott and were able to take a few days off and head up to Des Moines to spend time with his family - and what a family they are. I've been told by nearly each one of them on separate occasions that I am part of the family. They make me feel completely welcome and I never feel like Scott and I being in a relationship is ever an issue. In fact, the reason I find it so amazing to be around them is that it's not an issue at all. I don't know if that makes sense at all, but it is what it is. We were able to relax, go shopping some, eat a lot, and put up some Christmas decorations. (And it was nice for me to have 3 days off in a row after the schedule I've had recently) We spent the majority of the time at his mom's house and spent the last afternoon at his dad's house, leaving back to Chicago soon after. It was great to spend some time with them and it'll be nice to head back here in a few weeks for Christmas.

And speaking of Christmas, Scott and I have officially decorated for the holidays. It took some rearranging and a good chunk of time, but we have our tree up and all the holiday decorations out. Here is a little picture of what it all looks like:


Today was filled with decorating, listening to classic Christmas music (which has to include the Carpenters, in my opinion) and spending some much needed quality time with Scott. All in all, a wonderful day off.

I also wanted to post a picture or two of the gingerbread castle that almost killed me.
This picture doesn't do much justice - it has over 1000 pounds of gingerbread on it. It's probably about 12 feet wide and roughly 9 feet high, all the windows are sugar (poured by hand), a train runs through the entire thing, and on the left side there is a giant teapot that pours chocolate into a big teacup. It took about 12 of us and 6 weeks to finish the entire thing (and do all of our regular responsibilities on top of it). Good times had by all.

Anyway, hope your holidays are off to a great start. I'll be in touch again soon.